Some diaries, a couple links.

Links/files/mistakes/whoops/hi

All-ish files (diaries and little scribblings and a couple maps):

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1sn2bIj6bC7OD80MrNlzlvvQT9Ws-YIfq?usp=sharing (the little story “hope on loan” in here… might be the closest metaphor I had for the past long while)

Diaries:

• LA diaries: 2014 (LA etc)

• Barcelona Diaries: 2015-16 (Barcelona for a second and then woo mama who knows)

• Shanghai Diaries: 2016-17 (Shanghai and a bunch of other crap)

• Computer Diaries: 2020-2024 (This was just the doc I had open on my computer for the last bit of forever, would add to sort of less and less — sorry it’s such a mess haha. Goes until almost the end in 2024, the Crozer stuff goes in the middle. Audio stuff below is mostly later, the last bit of stuff.

• Crozer Diaries: Last week of August 2020, hand scribbles from a week on the psych ward (goes in the middle of the computer ones) — and these little bits written up as chapters of “Almost” the almost book.

High Anxietyy w/ Grandma:

The “podcast” we started recording in 2014, plus the phone calls we had until she died in 2023. Hopefully they’ll keep autoloading (unedited I’m afraid) after I can post the last ones with my fingers. The rest will be posted with my miiiiind from beyond the grave so spOooOoOookyyyy! Everyone associated with this podcast is dead now lol. Unideal for something that might’ve helped some of us deal with life but I’m hoping maybe it still can just a touch.

Suicide Note Audio Playlist: https://soundcloud.com/adamvalenlevinson/sets/suicide-note-almost (if that doesn’t work, it should all pop up on my soundcloud at some point, I believe National Drinking With Chickens Day, 2024

My YouTube channel, with the “suicide note” videos (I think?):

Video versions of the above might pop up here in a little while. I scheduled whatever was already there to publish at some point in the future before I remembered I could just batch upload everything to google. But too much work to undo things and whoooo cares so… forgive me again! Literally all just here in case it ever helps anyone in any way. Almost certainly won’t so — please don’t stress extra if you find any way to avoid it. I am not writing this the way I’d like to write if I were a person who still wrote. So… toodle-pip. Y’all are great.

- AVL

• Fwiw if I’d actually written a suicide note, it just would’ve said “almost”. That’s as good as I could stand behind. At a certain point, even those of us who have been trying to make just the right words to save ourselves after all this time can’t find any words that do more good than harm. (All this audio is just some kind of zero-gravity kvetching to no one in particular.) Like this. And these. I’ll stop. Kiss each other for me won’t you.

(Oh and yes Finnegan Teasedale was me, and so was Calvin Lax Cole — it was funny to me at the time I promise.)